Why We Fear Failure (Especially in Africa): A Deep Dive into Shame, Biology, and Breaking the Loop
By Chidike Edmond Ojuyenum
In 2022, I stood on a brightly lit stage, pitching my heart out at a business reality show. I had the suit. I had the swagger. I believed I had the idea. But when the judges responded with a cold “thank you” and a dismissive nod, it felt like the floor vanished beneath me.
That night, I didn’t just mourn a lost
opportunity—I mourned my confidence. The silence that followed wasn’t peaceful.
It was loud. Deafening. And beneath it all, there was one emotion I couldn’t
shake: shame.
You probably know the feeling. That invisible
heat that rises after a failure, the kind only you can smell—but you’re
convinced the whole world notices.
But why does failure hurt so deeply? And why does it sting even more in Africa?
Our brains are wired for survival. Thousands
of years ago, failing in a tribe meant missing the hunt—or being left behind.
Rejection, then, was dangerous. Our brains haven't caught up. Today, when you
fail a pitch or lose a business deal, your amygdala (the fear center) still
lights up like you’re being chased by a lion.
Failure, to your brain, isn't a lesson—it’s a threat.
The African Layer: Shame
Beyond the Self
In many African societies, shame isn’t personal—it’s
public, communal, and inherited.
From childhood, we’re told: “Don’t disgrace this family.”
Grades aren’t just marks—they’re labels. A single ‘F’ turns into:
·
“She’s the dull one.”
·
“He’s wasteful.”
·
“Maybe you’re not cut out for this.”
In our communities, failure stains reputations. It becomes gossip. It becomes judgment. And while many Western cultures celebrate failure as a rite of passage, in Africa, it often feels like a life sentence. One mistake, and your tribe might disown your dreams.
The Pressure to Succeed Is
Social
Without a strong public safety net, many
Africans rely on their successful relatives. This creates pressure. If you
succeed, everyone eats. If you fail, you not only lose money—you lose respect,
relationships, and identity.
So, we play it safe. We build small. We dream small. Because the cost of failing big feels unbearable.
What the Brain Really Does
When You Fail
Modern neuroscience supports this pain:
·
The amygdala
triggers fear.
·
The hippocampus
stores the emotional trauma.
·
The prefrontal
cortex—your logic center—shuts down.
Your brain doesn’t default to “learn from this.” It defaults to “run from this.” But here’s the good news: your brain can change. Through neuroplasticity, you can teach your brain to treat failure as feedback—not a funeral.
Breaking the Loop: Failure →
Shame → Silence → Stagnation
That’s the loop. And it’s deadly.
The only way out? Disrupt it.
Speak. Reflect. Reframe. Ask:
·
What did I do right?
·
What did I learn?
·
What can I try differently?
And most radically:
What if this failure
was supposed to happen?
Not as punishment, but preparation?
We need a culture where postmortems are normal. Where saying “I tried, and it didn’t work—yet” is respected.
Failure Is Just a Version
Here’s your new mantra:
Failure
is not a verdict. It’s a version.
It’s just one way something could go. You get
to try another way.
Failure is feedback. It says:
·
That idea needs work.
·
That strategy didn’t land.
·
That product missed the mark.
This shift—this mental reframe—is where real growth begins. Especially for African entrepreneurs, it’s revolutionary.
A Reflective Pause
Take a breath.
What’s your earliest memory of failure?
What story did it make you believe about yourself?
Is that story still serving you?
If not, it’s time to replace it.
Final Words
I’m Chidike Edmond Ojuyenum — CEO by calling,
not just title. I build where others see ruins. I don’t move by speed or
strength, but by grace, timing, and vision. I’ve failed. I’ve learned. I’ve
reframed.
And I’m telling you: you are not your failure.
You are what you choose to do after it.
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